HOLY TRICKSTERS

T'was on 29th December. It was to me just like any other day except for the expectant thoughts that coloured it. Many folks were drifting their attention from the joys and unfulfilled desires of the Christmas celebrations to the expected New Year. Hopes were high. The seeming successful property and business owning folks had dreams of owning greater assets and increase their profits with the coming of the New Year.
Those had to cry, wail and mourn the death of their loved ones expected the transition from the old to the new year to heal their woes. Failed businesses aimed revival. Below average students dreamed academic improvements for the New Year.
Ugly relationships dreamt love that heals differences. The street hawker drew her plans to become better just like the banker did his. Governments sought ways of improving the economy so as to maintain power. All people had dreams for this yet unborn year. I was no exception. I had a legion of thoughts, ambitions and resolutions for the expected gift of a new year.
In my mind's eye I saw a beautiful and a better 365 days approaching. Even though I must admittedly say I had no real plans for achieving some of my dreams, I badly somewhat wanted to lay hands on them.
Goals without plans of action to achieve them - that was my Achilles heel. When she came that fateful evening, like my usual talking self, I shared my dreams with her. Her face beaming with smiles as if to wow my ambitions. She said, 'all these shall come to pass'.
Satisfied I was initially with her comments on the first thought. Before my second thought could yield any question to what she said, she proceeded to explain how I could achieve all what I shared with her.
I am a half-baked Christian I must confess. I respected her much because of how committed she was in religious stuff. It was one thing I yearned to do but never succeeded at it.
She told me of the upcoming powerful crossover night service. The theme seemed to be made just to solve my problems - "crossing over to claim the riches of 2014". That was just what I was looking for. It just couldn't be any better.
The next day was very long because 31st December was the much awaited supernatural economic, spiritual and general overhaul of my life. The 'man of God' was coming from the capital to impart lives in my countryside town.

MUCH AWAITED MOMENTS ARRIVE

Today is the day. I was in my best clothes, wore my family legacy of golden wrist watch. My newest black shoe that I bought for my last job interview before I gave up on interviews was part of the outfit.
I was beyond ready. My frustrations were finally going to be wiped. I had enough money on me because I was to pay my rent the next week and so I was doing well to save for it.

She finally showed up. Dressed herself elegantly, we made a good match. With her enticing speech she caused me to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced me into it. Immediately I went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, till an arrow struck my liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, I did not know it would cost me my life.

THE UNNOTICED GAME PLAN

"A street thug and a paid killer are professionals - beasts of prey, if you will who have dissociated themselves from the rest of humanity and can now see human beings in the same way that trout fishermen see trout." - Willard Gaylin.
Standing and hovering around the pulpit and swinging his arms about as a housefly does its wings on sensing foul attractive smell, he smiled at the unsuspecting congregation seating in the comparatively poor pews.

He knew how he was going to do it. After we had a joyous flesh satisfying and emotion lifting songs, we were to give as thanksgiving anything that comes from our hearts.
The syphoning has just begun. There was a special gift offering, followed by a love offertory and then a moment to appreciate the work of the church leaders by giving.
By now, I have spent more than half of my annual rent. The message we much awaited from the pulpit is about to arrive. When the preacher man begun speaking I tried hard to focus and learn something that would make things better in the coming year. He spoke at length. Hard as I tried to focus, I could not concentrate maybe because of thoughts of how to get money to add to what I had so I could settle my landlady.
The rather interesting message finally came to an end. I could tell it was interesting because of the general reaction of the congregation after the sermon. People voluntarily trooped to shower currency notes as a form of appreciation to the preacher man’s work. Then came the moderator and called for real appreciation. We began clapping hands for the ‘man of God’ only to be told that we need to ‘sow seeds in the man’s life’. I was a little irritated by that statement. But then I had to be a gentleman. So I moved forward just like everyone did to drop some money. We were encouraged that whatever we gave in terms of money that night was a form of insurance against all misfortunes in the coming year. It was a form of investment with high unimaginable return rates.

THE LAST ORDEAL

The final session before the prayer ushering us into the New Year was another time of special time for sowing seeds that our children would reap. This was a seed of generosity and insurance aimed at protecting the future of our children (though many present like me had no child yet). After we did this, the moderator said we must count on the Holy Spirit and give our all so we can receive all we needed in the coming year. We were supposed to empty our pockets, wallets and all money purses of any amount. I didn’t understand. But then, he explained with bible verses that I cannot remember. But I could remember it when he said, “Don’t worry about what to use for your transportation back home. The lord would provide only if you would be willing by faith to give everything you have for his work.”
My senses had begun working by now. So I asked myself, “Does it mean the God who would provide for my transportation back home when I let go of all I had cannot provide the monies the moderator was seeking for his (the same God’s) work?” my house was far away. But I could not dwell much on my thought. So I fell to the lure and went to drop my last into the collection bowl.
Back to my chair, I sat thinking of how I was going to go home. When are we going to close? How am I going to get home? Where is the lady who invited me? How am I going to settle my rent? These and many were my thoughts. Somehow we finished the prayers and finally we entered the much awaited and treasured New Year.

“THE OLDNESS OF THE NEW YEAR”

This New Year was not new. I carried the thoughts of the last minutes of the past year into the New Year. Before that 31st night, I had only one major thing to think of – how to survive after paying my rent. Now I have a lot more to worry about.
Today is December 30th of the once New Year. The much awaited change and fruits of the seeds I sowed are nowhere to be found. I don’t know what improvements I have gained. But at least I have come to know one thing – I know I must not go to that church tomorrow or on any other 31st.

MY COUNSEL

It is not a bad thing to go to church on 31st night. But learn to learn and study your bible personally. When you know what it is in there for yourself, nobody is going to mislead you as they did to me. Choose a church that teaches the bible truthfully and not one that seeks to make its self better by making your life worse. Remember the God of the bible knows you and would hear you if you would accept his gift of salvation offered through his Son Jesus Christ.
You should give but be wise and give out of volition. Compulsory contributions at church have no blessings remember.


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